This is a basic ground rule that we agree in every workshop we run because we feel it is fundamental to our own personal development and also to strengthening our ability to communicate effectively with others.
To illustrate this here’s a couple of questions –
- How do you feel when you are being judged?
- How are you likely to react when you feel judged?
I know that when I am taking a position of judging others I am not appreciating them. I am not appreciating their strengths, their weaknesses or their circumstances. All I am doing is looking down on them and judging. By doing so I am losing all human connection with the person I am judging.Judging others may be my subtle way of protecting myself from something such as unwanted uncomfortable feelings.This statement I am going to make now sounds counter intuitive – it is not a sign of emotional maturity or strength to avoid feeling.This is probably why emotional resilience is one of the great frontiers we, as humans living in an ever crowded and fast paced world, need to explore.
- From a leadership perspective if I am judging then –
- Better to work out what being judgemental is protecting you from and work on that. Now that is being emotionally resilient!!
- I am not connecting and if I am not connecting
- I am not communicating affectively and if I am not communicating effectively
- We don’t understand each other and if that is not happening
- We don get stuff done efficiently.
I’ll start this brief piece with my favourite definition of Emotional Resilience.
“No matter what life throws at me I still remain capable of joy.”
For me that is a good starting place for where joy and joyfulness fits in to Emotional Resilience.
Joy is one of our natural feelings. To really be able to understand and feel joy we need to understand and allow ourselves to feel the whole range of feelings (see the rant above).
If we wish to we can choose to start each day looking for and experiencing the joy in the day. Try it, you will be amazed, with some discipline, how much it can change your perspective. It works because in general we get what we expect to get.
Finally, you may have noticed this, joyful people attract joyful people and it becomes self fulfilling.
Pretty good reasons to be joyful and to look for the joy in everything.